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Millions of us frequent bars on weekends, to hang out with friends, have some adult beverages, and meet some new people that are hopefully attractive and interesting. But for every person you end up pleased to have met, there are a number of douchebags that you will want to try and avoid. They come in all shapes and sizes, and while sometimes entertaining, they always leave a bad taste in your mouth. Below is a follow up to an earlier post written these types of characters. Based on readers' submissions and our own experiences, we have decided to create a new list, entitled The 11 People You Don't Want to Meet at a Bar:
1. The Guy That Has Halitosis And Talks Way Too Close To You

Source: Flickr
This is the guy that comes up to you thinking maybe that you are some guy he went to high school with. As it turns out, you didn't. Typically this type of guy is lonely and you may feel pressured to humor him by taking a shot with him. Chances are he will keep trying to talk with you after this impromptu and forced bro-bonding session has ended. He may even start talking closer, so as soon as those patron shots come and go, think 'exit strategy'. You don’t want to get stuck talking with him for longer than you have to. Alcohol + Halitosis is never a good combination, and no one likes being kissed in the ear incidentally.
2. The Guy That Came By Himself

Source: Flickr
This guy showed up at the bar by himself with the aim of meeting some new people. Do not make eye contact with him. If you are a woman you risk a long, drawn-out conversation about how cool someone thinks he is, for example, why he voted for Obama. If you are a guy, he will try to leveraging the fact that you came with friends, and may attempt to use your network of people as a security blanket. If you make friends with this guy, prepare yourself for indecent stories (lies?) about the female anatomy, and awkward questions when everyone is leaving the bar, such as, “so where are you guys going now?”
3. The Girl That Loves To Cock Block Others

Source: Flickr
This is the girl that everyone fails to look at for more than 3 seconds. Chances are she is not that attractive, or far less attractive than the friends she came with (we call this one ‘the grenade’). This female is typically used to being upset with the fact that everyone wants to have coitus with her friends and not her. Due to her insecurity and self-aware aesthetic inferiority, her only satisfaction is in thwarting the attempts of women and men alike from casual sexual exploration. Avoid contact with her at all costs.
4. The Girl Looking For A Compliment

Source: Flickr
This is the girl that is constantly talking shit on the other girls at the bar – usually ones better dressed, better looking, and in better shape than she is– that are getting more attention from men. It’s likely she’ll use shit talking as a way to get others in as bad of a mood as she is in. Often this is a segue into her talking about how she needs to start working out, or talking about how vodka & sodas are a healthy drink for a girl like her, who wants to drop a few pounds. She can also talk about how bad her haircut is. All of these examples are attempts to solicit a compliment. Desperation is a stinking perfume.
5. The Angry Guy Who Likes Pain

Source: Flickr
This guy was probably not held enough as an infant. And, as an adult, he is most characteristically described as a larger male who juices, follows MMA, and shaves his arms (sometimes his legs). He’s been imprisoned for aggravated assault at least once, and he’s at the bar for two things: sexing and fighting. If he gets both, then he’s the happiest man alive. Note: if you are going to be throwing peanuts at people you don't know, that you stay out of his vicinity. Also, if you decide to ask creepy questions to complete strangers such as, “what color panties are you wearing?”, make sure that it is not his girlfriend. That is unless you are also an angry guy that likes pain. If you are, then ask away.
6. The Guy Who Used To Come To The Bar When It Was Owned By Another Guy

Source: Flickr
This guy usually has a set of thinning hair, and can often be found wearing a football jersey by a player no longer in the league (Warren Sapp?). If there are pool tables at your bar, he usually brings his own cue. He’s not interested in doing much more than carefully monitoring his buzz and making sure that everyone recognizes him as an old school drinker. He usually knows the bar staff by name, and they usually have inside jokes. This guy usually regards himself as a far-out dude that is still living the singles life in all its glory. The highlight of his week is educating 21-year olds on the merits of the original bar owner, and how much cheaper beer used to be back then.
7. The Guy Who Wants to Talk to You About Religion

Source: Flickr
This guy fancies himself a bit of an intellectual. Sometimes this guy was at one point a youth pastor, and gave it up once he had some type of falling out with the guy upstairs. Alternately, he is a second-year philosophy major that just read a bit of Nietzsche and thinks it is his responsibility to tell everyone how God is dead. This guy is the buzzkill of all buzzkills and is probably into rare and unusual types of pornography.
8. The Guy That Wants To Talk With You While You Are Urinating

Source: Flickr
The guy who wants to talk to you while you are urinating has either just blown some rails and cannot shut up, or likes the idea of two guys talking while simultaneously holding their own penises. Most men go to the bathroom to take care of one thing: urination. They did not go in to ask how another guy’s night is going while getting a light waft of another man's pee. This situation is worsened if he is peeing on the ground or wobbling in between those urinal dividers like he’s going to break them. Even worse than this, is when there are no urinal dividers. The best way to avoid this phenomenon, is to keep your eyes on the road.
9. The Guy Who Wants To Give You A Zealous Handshake or a High Five

Source: Flickr
"Hey stranger, let’s emphatically celebrate the winning of billiards game, or the fact that a good song came on the jukebox by slapping hands really hard above our heads. Better yet, let’s start a handshake that neither of us know very well, but can anticipate that it will somehow turn into an awkward but we are bro hug." This guy likely just read How to Win Friends and Influence People , and is making every attempt at being jovial, and making sure that he takes time out to compliment others on something. Apparently this behavior wins friends and influences people.
10. The Guy That Aggressively Questions Your Sexuality Due To Your Unwillingness to Take Shot

Source: Flickr
People that like to drink a lot sometimes drink too much. And sometimes they perceive their over-drinking and subsequent foolish behavior to be nothing more than their being some type of party animal. This guy can usually be found to have a poster of John Belushi drinking Jack Daniels on his bathroom wall, and took Animal House way too seriously. He may also be slightly homophobic, and will call you obscene names for a homosexual until you agree to drink exactly one fluid ounce of hard alcohol with him.
11. The Girl Who Thinks Her Skirt Somehow Fixed Her Face

Source: Flickr
We all know one of these girls: she was blessed with body of an angel, and the face of the horse. The butter-face, if you will. Unfortunately, if you are not completely wasted, the scandalous nature of this girl's apparel will not effectively cause a scrupulous male from noticing a crooked nose or five-head. Usually, this girl knows her situation and thus tries harder than ever to get noticed for her body, and maybe even her easiness. Quite often, this is the over-confident girl that has the gall to talk shit to strangers, and dance provocatively with men she does not know.
rtcrooks January 25, 2009 at 11:58pm
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