After a recent jaunt to the Big Apple, I realized that my biggest expenditure was one foot job-filled night of going to the strip club. While I'm a pretty frugal guy by nature, I was surprised by what I spent due to a mild combination of arousal and intoxication. While I spent less than my friend who was dupped into the "back room" lie, I thought retrospectively on how I could have avoided unnecessary charges, gotten more lap dances, and left feeling like less of a spendthrift. The following are best taken as half-serious, but they are some simple ways to cut costs while at a gentleman's club - because in this economy, every little bit helps: 

Avoid ATMs (and Fees)

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One of the easiest ways to blow money at a strip club is by accessing (and over-accessing) strip club ATM machines. Because most people that access these machines have an urgent need for cash, they typically ignore the fact that they are spending $4-$7 on ATM fees. Then to make matters worse, your bank will probably charge you a non-ATM fee. At the end of transaction, you could be spending $10 on just fees. Then there is also the issue of withdrawing more money than you are budgeting, or (if highly intoxicated) multiple visits to the ATM (and consequently, multiple ATM fees). The best bet is to take what you can spend with you in cash, and leave the ATM card at home. You might not get that last lap dance, but you'll avoid spending your car payment on a ping-pong ball show.

Dont Drink, or Drink Responsibly

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Strip clubs are a bad place for going big for several reasons: for one, you can get drunk and spend money much more liberally than usual ($600/hr private room sound familiar?); secondly, drinks can be wildly overpriced - especially when strippers are ordering $25 cognacs, or $14 sodas - and this can cut into your lap-dance fund; additionally, you might even get dupped into thinking that the strippers actually like you, then the whole vicious cycle begins again. This also supplants the above theory on ATMs. If you take nothing more from these words, then remember this: strippers make their money by convincing men that there is a mutual attraction.

Dont Buy Drinks for the Girls

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This was touched on earlier, but one way that the bars make money is by selling drinks at super-expensive prices -- and convincing men that this is a way into the strippers' hearts. I think also, subconsioucly or not, men want to get women drunk - especially topless or nude women. And the strippers always buy extremely over-priced beverages. The bummer is that it seems like they never drink them...

Sit a Few Rows Back

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Sitting directly at the stage implies that you are there to make it rain. And of course, this might not be in everyone's budget. As a big fan of the lap dance, I like to conserve my money for these, opposed to throwing singles at a stripper from within the crowd.

Travel in Numbers - Negotiate Cover Charges

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Like most clubs, many strip joints (especially non-chain establishments) will allow groups to get in at discounted rates. Of course this will depend on how many people you are traveling with, and where you are going. It's best to call ahead and find out for yourselves. Sometimes the savings will be negligible, but other times they wont. It seems to me that if you can round up a group of girls want to go with you, that this is the best route. All strip clubs like to have a group of women in the audience - especially if they really get into everything ( the act, the girls).

Experience Release Before Going

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Clubs thrive on making men horny, and the continued over-stimulation leads men to spending more. It's like going on a date - you ought get your Fleshlight action on before going to the club. It seems that overall, this will help you keep from over-spending. It might also keep you from getting over-excited and embarrassing yourself (Note: never wear khakis, or light grey slacks to a club).

Be Clear About Dance Prices, What's Being offered, & The Duration of Dances

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Most strippers are there to take advantage of us men at a time when we are most vulnerable: when we are a little bit drunk, and are having nipples pressed in or around our mouths. This is how they make their money. If you are going to get a lap dance, make sure you are solid in your prices. If I had a nickel for every time I had a $20 lapdance turn into a $40 one because I wasn't firm in my pricing I'd be a wealthy man. An easy way to avoid this is to claim it's your last $20 when you are approached for a dance.

Don't Tip, or at Least Don't Overtip

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It's just like you wouldn't tip someone at McDonalds for doing their job, why tip a stripper? Ok, this might be taken the wrong way by some people, but isn't the tip included in the lap dance price? Of course, if you are decide to sit at the stage and place singles in a thong, in addition to posting up to get LDs, this is fine. What I'm trying to say is don't tip in addition to an LD, and there is of course no need to tip on $10 waters or $14 gingerales, etc.

Stay on Budget

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Going out to a strip club is not is not like budgeting for a vacation, or a day at the baseball park. It's definitely one of the hardest places for a man to go and not overspend. There's just so much over-stimulation. I don't think that I ever have followed all the aforementioned principles without cracking, but they this is another general rule to think about when you are getting your jeans rubbbed by a nice full thong. This coincides with the ATM issue, and if you leave your ATM at home, it's easy keep reasonable amount of money off-limits.

Lie

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Ok - ethics aside, everyone lies. Strippers, for instance, lie a lot. They will tell you that they are in love with you, or that if you go in the back room with them that you can do whatever you want to them, but as Chris Rock once famously said: "There is no sex in the champagne room". This is all an act. So why not play by their rules? If you've seen the epsiode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia where Charlie and Frank go to strip clubs in wheelchairs you'll know what I'm talking about. Go into the situation, claiming that you're terminally ill or handycapped, or that you are about to get married. Telling a stripper that you have one week to live (literally, or as a single man), is also likely to get you a free dance. If not, you may get a deal on dances, or on entrance or drinks, etc. The bottom line is be creative.

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