Updating your Facebook status

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A "Getting Laid" Facebook update is definitely going to annoy your partner. Don't let it backfire by letting her post a "done" update, right after you finish. Unless you can go all night.

No foreplay

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Talk about really getting under her skin. Don't even make the slightest attempt at foreplay and see how ticked off she gets. No whispering of sweet nothings, no light caresses, just get yours and pass out.

Accidentally Leaving The Game On

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The Game is headed to double overtime? Thats weird.

Belching

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Totally disgust her as if you were Dudley "Booger" Dawson, from Revenge of the Nerds. Don't hold back on the butt scratching or nose picking. She will be jumping out of the sheets in no time.

Checking Your Fantasy Baseball Account

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Bore her to death with the intricacies of fantasy baseball. Sure nothing puts her in the mood more than listening to your late-round power hitter drafting strategy.

Don�¢??t Shower After Your Workout

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Nobody likes sweaty balls. Make sure to slap on the bike shorts and head out for a brisk eight mile ride. Once home, race straight up the stairs and into the bedroom. Have your girlfriend peel off the bike shorts, and be totally grossed out.

Asking If They Have Orgasmed Yet? Repeatedly

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Is there not a better way to break her concentration? Women are so much more connected to their surroundings, feelings, and emotions during sex. Ask in an annoyed and brief voice. Like you've got something better to do, and throw the entire vibe off.

Visible Hickeys

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Burst a few blood vessels beneath the skin and leave a temporary bruise on the tender area of the neck. Watch her tear through foundation, concealer, and old boxes searching for a turtle neck, cursing you the entire time.

Answering Your Phone

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"Hey whats going on? No, you caught me at a great time. So what were those questions you needed help on with the budget proposal."

Farting

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If you have never pulled this trick on a girl then you are much too polished. It is the quintessential right of passage for the would-be girlfriend. Let one out, pull the sheets up over her head, and see if she's a keeper.

Letting The Dog Stay To Watch

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Why does the dog always want to stay and watch? Who cares. Don't shoo him out like always! Let him stay next time and spend some quality time with his bud.

Pushing Her Head Down

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Only about 0.05% of the female population like having their head pushed down during oral sex, and they're in adult films. They are also really dirty and can blow a smoke ring out of their vagina. No self respecting woman wants to be in the same category.

Eating A Hoagie

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Just start chomping away at that tower of a sandwich and make sure to spill crumbs all over the bed. Dry salami, mortadella, prosciutto, provolone and fresh onions will give your breath a wonderful kick too. Check out www.selleckwaterfallsandwich.tumblr.com for more amazing waterfalls and sandwiches, and of course Selleck himself.

Do Not Return The Favor On Oral

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Just roll over and fall asleep, its that easy!

Titty Twisters

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A woman's breasts are tender, just like a man's testicles. So make sure to twist, claw, tug and honk. Just imagine them doing the same thing to your testicles and think about how much you would like it.

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