Eddie says: what's up with that MILF type woman in au pair care?

Stewart says: I hope you're not serious

Stewart says: that old woman that works by that hot half black half Chinese chick?

Eddie says: I don't think she's good looking, she just comes across as a cougar or something. always has her eyes wandering, dresses like she's in her 20s

Stewart says: you just implied that she was a Mother I'd (you'd) Like to Fuck

Eddie says: well, anything's possible after drinking your porter last night

Stewart says: yeah!

Eddie says: but the fucking jock term i meant to use was cougar

Stewart says: I can see that, she's weirdly flirty too. I was in the break room making tea and she started saying things like "making tea huh?"

Eddie says: that's how it starts stew, next thing you know you'll be cleaning her pool in walnut creek

Stewart says: with my shirt off

Eddie says: in a leopard print speedo and she'll call you Hans

Stewart says: and my hairy shoulder glistening in oil

Eddie says: "my name is Stewart"

Eddie says: "IT'S HANS IN THIS HOUSE LITTLE MAN"

Eddie says: hairy shoulder??

Stewart says: yeah hairy shoulders

Stewart says: they're getting hairy now, it's weird

Eddie says: only your shoulders?

Stewart says: yeah, just on the tops, like epaulettes

Eddie says: have you ever put lotion on them to see what it'd look like?

Stewart says: nah

Stewart says: I tried pulling them out one at a time through college thinking they were rogue hairs

Eddie says: you're a sick fuck

Stewart says: but now I just accept that I'm going to have hairy epaulettes on my shoulders

Stewart says: I'm going to dye them gold and braid them like the real Napoleonic thing

Eddie says: "yep, Moroccan mint baby...hey sweet knickers, did i mention i have shoulder epaulettes of my own body hair?"

Eddie says: one should be really formula and Napoleonic, and the other should be savage...with animal teeth and animal scalps sewn into them

Stewart says: just have the hair tied around rat skulls, or I could make them into Predator style dreadlocks

Eddie says: you'd have to carry some kind of weapon in your shoulder hair too, possibly a poisonous dart

Eddie says: but just one

Stewart says: I could also get a parrot and he could pick the vermin out of the hair. although he'd probably shit all over me. it's a trade off.

Eddie says: yeah, beggars cant be choosers with shoulder epaulettes of your own hair

Eddie says: you'd have to ask your old lady to cut holes out of every one of your shirts and to sew the holes around it so your shirts didn't unravel. and you'd probably need approval from [our boss] before bringing in a parrot

Stewart says: she wouldn't see the parrot, She'd be so into my epaulettes that she wouldn't notice

Stewart says: She would make them mandatory at work for management

Eddie says: yeah, the older generations of women go apeshit over shoulder epaulettes of your own hair

Stewart says: it would remind her of the pacific theatre when she was a 13 year old imperial soldier

Eddie says: She'd buy you the whitest kimono in Kansai to show reverence

Eddie says:[Senior Vice President] would come over and try starting a fight with you, because his shoulders are bald...booooooooooooring

Stewart says: I would laugh and walk by him brushing him with my shoulder mane, he'd notice a faint smell of herbal essences and pomade in the growth

Eddie says: your shoulder epulettes of your own hair create a reaction that Axe body spray has been trying to reproduce for some time now

Stewart says: the greeks have known about it for centuries

Eddie says: the Atharvaveda veda speaks of a beast-man walking through what is now Calcutta cloaked in nothing but the fur of a warthog and shoulder epaulettes of his own hair. mention of this beast-man today bring forth erupting cries of orgasmic release within the shanty-towns of Calcutta. women rip their saris from their bosom and reach their hands to the heavens...the cyclic heaven in which they've learned as young lady, men dye their beards a subtle shade of pink and dance like possessed tanukis, yanking at their ghost-like giant scrotum while crying the praise of the nameless beast-man. the youngsters feast upon the hearts of dogs and form their hair into fo-hawks with the canine blood

Stewart says: the british raj took extremely repressive measures against such activities, while he nervously petted his own inferior silken shoulder shame

Eddie says: never has the Raj felt so disgruntled to find out that the savages of the Hindi nation would reject knee epaulettes of his own hair to the favor of shoulder epaulettes of another's. if he had known of this inevitable demise, he surely would have skipped the Guatemalan (then known as Harupzishka: The Island of Snake-women in Cuzxuaka) shaman famous for casting spells on body parts that are notoriously stubborn for growing patches of hair

Stewart says: his court could scarcely look at him out of shame when, three months after his abdication, he stumbled into the palace with a 2 inch braid of ass hair and a triumphant grin

Eddie says: his head has yet to be found

Eddie says: and rumors tell of a Sikh voodoo doll made of his fallen bretheren's pubic hair that haunt the alleyways and live within the cobblestone cracks during the day, only to rise from their demonic haunts after the sun has set. notorious for preying upon the poor and destitute, the anthropological explanation for the dependency on the beast-man and his shoulder of epulettes from his own hair serve as reasonable evidence of a community shrouded in spiritual belief. but after seeing the giant footprints in the mud and the massive fingernail scratches on the clay walls with my own blue eyes, i have been troubled by the thought that maybe my own cynicism is not allowing me to see the evidence of beast-man's reality...in the form of a tall Swede from Santa Barbara (cue Enrico Morricone soundtrack)

Stewart says: it's written that he's from Chicago you fag

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