Vote now to see the results and make your voice heard.
We have all seen some dodgy celebrity endorsements - cereals, figurines, and Trapper Keepers - and sometimes celebrities put out in a entertaining and shameless attempt to grab some cash, that can only leave us shaking our heads. The following are some of our favorite 11 endorsements by our favorite has-beens, or soon-to-be-has-beens:

(image)
Rapper and type-A narcissist Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson has recently released a new product, but it's not a CD or Vitamin Water flavor. Instead, his new pitch is a self-help bookentitled "The 50th Law." The book, which is actually a collaboration with author Robert Greene, apparently teaches its reader how to live without fear. More likely than not, the book is a reworking of Greene's prior best-seller "The 48 Laws of Power." Aside from that, what you really have to ask yourself is, why on earth would you want to take life advice from a man who's been shot multiple times and then sings lyrics like "I got the X if you're into taking drugs."
(video)
It seems Kid from hip-hop/comedy duo Kid N Play got a new job: selling suits for a low budget, buy one, get one free suit store called "S.W. Suits." The commercial, which was clearly shot by a sales associate through a hand held camera, features Kid totally hamming it up and trying to use jokes to promote the suits. As Kid says, "its not always all about that hip-hop house party stuff. Sometimes one of your homeboys gets shot." When that happens, supposedly you'll be glad you have a fresh suit to wear for the occasion.

(image)
"Yo Google, I'm real happy for you, 'Search with Kanye West' is one of the best search engines of all time!" That's right, Kanye West had decided to try to make some cake in the internet game with a new search engine entitled "Search With Kanye West." Powered by third party results, users can see Kanye looking "mad fresh" while they search the web. Additionally, users can spend their time earning "swag bucks" which can later be redeemed for a number of prizes from the Kanye team.
(video)
Montel Williams has recently been appearing in night time infomercials promoting what he calls "a secret weapon that gives you miraculous health and weight-loss results." "The Healthmaster" is in truth little more than a fast food processor, the likes of which have been available for years. Despite this glaringly obvious fact, the infomercial brazenly claims it to be "the biggest breakthrough in kitchen technology in decades." The ad states that "the secret lies in the Healthmaster's amazing, high-speed digital emulsification system." By this, they simply mean the thing uses blades to puree whatever food you put into it. My mom had something like this 20 years ago...we called it a blender.

(image)
"Lightning Bolt" is an energy drink marketed by famous over-actor Steven Seagal that promises everything short of a cure for cancer, and delivers little more than an average Red Bull. If you believe Seagall's product website, the drink was apparently developed while Seagall was researching immunity herbs in Asia. The result of his tireless efforts was a formula that harnesses "untold natural power." The drink, as the site claims, is "a symbol of the untold energy the earth has to offer." It was then that Seagal decided to name the drink "lightning bolt," as it is the only equivalent to his drink found in nature. Don't be fooled by all the hyperbole, the drink is simply an energy drink, not a health boosting, mind, body and spirit revitalizing concoction made from secrets of Asian herbal research. Chances are, Seagal had nothing to do with the brewing of the product at all.

(image)
Once a moderately successful country singer, Dwight Yoakam has recently sunk to the level of promoting frozen TV dinners. "Dwight Yoakam's Take Ems" come bearing several country themed names such as, "Chicken Lickin' Buffalo Bites" and "Chicken Rings of Fire." After picking a package or two up and looking them over, one walks away from the frozen food isle with the distinct feeling that something catastrophic must have happened to Yoakam's financial life. It is very likely that the former performer has absolutely nothing to do with the making of this freezer food. That is of course, other than lending his name to the box it comes in.

(image)
Is anyone really trying to dress like Lady Gaga? Known for her outrageous outfits, the female pop sensation has a very unique and distinct fashion sense that many of us are not willing to emulate. It comes as no surprise then, that few people are flocking out to pick up Gaga's latest branded product, "Heartbeat Headphones." Despite their supposed sound quality, one can't help but notice how much the headphones resemble meat tenderizers hanging from ones ears. Perhaps this is why many bloggers are cringing at the site of these jewel encrusted eye-sores, and the buying public seems content stick to their iPod ear-buds for now.

(image)
If ever there was a silly promotion, this has got to be it. Does Fritos really expect us to believe that Tim McGraw, a pop-country singer, had even the slightest bit to do with creation of these potato chips? Aside from his big, cheesing face on the bag, we can safely assume that McGraw's involvement in this new flavor of junk food began and ended at the signing of a licensing contract. Along with the promotion, Fritos was recently touted as "The Official Snack" of his latest tour. It's not even enough to say he sold out, this is downright corporate sponsored music. This is even worse than McGraw's line of cologne, which makes one wonder when it became sexy to smell like sweaty cowboy.
From the king of "redneck jokes" comes the ultimate in backwoods product promotion. "Jeff Foxworthy Beef Jerky" features Foxworthy's face and name front, center and large on the front of the bag; clearly this was the only way people were going to pay any special attention to this jerky. As if this wasn't bad enough, the packaging hams it up even more with lame jokes such as "Wipe hands on pants before eating." In fact, Foxworthy has nothing to do with the production of this beef jerky. His name and face is simply licensed to Monogram Food Solutions Inc, who produces the average tasting gas station snack. Those believing that the original "blue collar comedian" knows something special about blue collar snacks are sorely mistaken.

(image)
Rock and Roll is dead, and nothing screams that more than Aerosmith's own Joe Perry's line of hot sauce. Pathetically named "Rock Your World," the label pictures Perry wailing away on his electric guitar, rocking to the beat of a mild bottle of sauce. He should have learned from his younger days on the road, condoms aren't cool, and neither are condiments. Perry wouldn't be the first rocker to brand their own hot sauce, however. The Offspring's Dexter Holland trotted out his own blend a few years ago, spitting in the face of all the anti-corporate power lyrics he sung back in the 90's. Somewhere along the way, these rock stars were terribly mislead into thinking that mass-produced sauces were great promotional opportunities. Whats next, James Hetfield's "St. Angus BBQ Blend?" Sadly, it wouldn't be very surprising.
rtcrooks September 21, 2009 at 3:53pm
If you have any of these accounts you can use them to sign in to Sloshspot. No more passwords to remember!
Just your email! No verifications required. Quick, painless, and instant. We will make a temporary username and password for you then email them to you. You can register right now from this form and start commenting away!
Members can sign in here quickly.
If you use one of these other services sign in by clicking the 'OpenID' logo above.