The allure of the fixed gear bike is an easy one to grasp: they cut a very impressive profile as they slice through the city; they're exotic, eye-catching, and arguably more dangerous than traditional bikes. Today you can find hordes of them flooding urban cities from coast to coast. Parked outside of the coolest dive bars selling the coldest PBR, they are a homing beacon to what is hip and fashionable in hipster/bike messenger nightlife. And these bike messengers experience "freedoms" that not all urban dwellers share. They're "hardcore" -- they work through the winter, ride like kamikazes, put on dangerous illegal races through the city, and wear punk clothes. But thanks to hipster ADD, the fad is now dying. Bike messengers were a part of a subculture, just like any other, that somehow became cool. We're here to say that it's time for the fixie trend to die. It's time to let the true purists carry the torch into the next decade.

Murder, Death, Kill: Walmart Now Selling Fixed Gear Bikes

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There is a saying that our father taught us a long time ago, and always seems to stay relevant: "You buy cheap, you buy twice." That is what you'll get now that Walmart is selling fixed gear bicycles. First it was Urban Outfitters who started peddling them. Now, Hipster of the Decade blog Hipster Runoff has found that Walmart is now selling fixed gear bicycles. It's official: Fixed gear bikes are no longer cool. People other than hipsters can't tell the difference between a Bianchi Pista, which starts at $699, and the $150 red-headed step child, 700C Mongoose Cachet. Go ahead and sell your starting rate $700 Bianchi Pista. You'll gain hipster cred by becoming the first to rant on Tumblr about how you saw the apocalypse coming.

They Are Not A Fashion Accessory

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Bikes are made for transportation, you know, to get from point A to point B. A very simple concept really. All powered by your very own two legs. Somewhere along the line of "form follows function", bicycle designers probably never thought that track bikes would become a fashion statement. From Williamsburg, Brooklyn to Los Angeles, California, fixed gear bikes were an Urban Outfitter buyers' wet dream. It's that "look," says Vincent Betette, that seems to have caught on with the young and hip crowd. "We have a name for them," he says. "FAMS: Fake-a** messengers. That's what we call them. They got our bags, they got our bikes. It's a fashion accessory now." Purists really take it seriously when you bite their identity, and dilute it so bad that it resembles an ascot.

The Evil Knievel Aesthetic Is Not "Hip" Anymore

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The Evil Knievel aesthetic isn't as cool as it used to be. Too many vegan's in highly populated hipster areas (think Los Angeles and Brooklyn) have gotten into accidents. The stupidity of not having a front break has finally sunk in. Hipsters coast to coast realize they don't even ride their bikes enough to risk severe head trauma. If you were a vegetable, how could you give a pretentious review of the new Kanye West album? Not worth it.

Hipster's Have Ruined Fixie's

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Owning a fixed gear bike has become a trend; a trend for the skinny little hipsters of major metropolitan areas to try out a new "look". Partaking in this trend also allows them to pick up a new wardrobe. Skinny jeans, pointless keys hanging from a belt buckle, v-neck worn and dirty, a 1930's ironic French mustache, and a pontifical quote tattooed in cursive or Latin across their chest. You've got kids in the Mission district of San Francisco who look like they're trying to steer clear of the bike messenger fashion police. One minute they emulate preppy, a la Vampire Weekend, and the next its like the poster above; and they have never seen the 80's Kevin Bacon bike messenger movie, Quicksilver (if you haven't seen it yet, we recommend you do so now). Thanks for throwing salt into the game of bike messengers worldwide. Let us know what scene you plan on blowing up next, so we can opt out now.

Fixies Have Spread To The Suit And Tie Crowd

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More bad news, the fixed gear bike trend has now spread to the suit and tie crowd, getting a nod to bike culture courtesy of Club Monaco. In the Netherlands, where riding a bicycle to work in a suit and tie is as notable an act as drinking a cup of coffee, there is no bike culture â?? all culture includes the bike. In America, the urban cyclist has been relegated to ragtag renegade clothes or shiny spandex, and the main question concerning the urban cyclist in America today is; can they grow up and put on a tie?

Misinterpreted In China

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Even in the bombardment of social media, fixed gear bikes have had a hard time maneuvering their way into Chinese culture. China remains the world's largest bike market, with 51 million sold in 2009, according to the China Bicycle Association. How is it that they have missed the biggest bicycle trend of the last decade? Well, it can be seen in their attitude towards the bicycle. "There is a saying in Chinese: 'Laugh at the poor, not the prostitutes,'" said Juanjuan Wu, a professor at the University of Minnesota . "Hipster fashion only really works by communicating your ironyâ??in other words, someone needs to 'get it.' Hipster irony in dress would most likely be misinterpreted in Chinese society as simple poverty or weirdness." Hipster irony not bridging the cultural divide to Asian hipster youth? How ironic.

Why Do You Ride?

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Like trucker hats and PBR, what started as a bike messenger apparatus, has now become a fashion statement and status symbol. A fad is said to "catch on" when the number of people adopting it begins to increase rapidly. The behavior will normally fade quickly once the perception of novelty is gone. Do you ride because it makes you happy, and love the wind in your hair? Or do you ride a fixed-gear because fitting in makes you happy? Either way, the mullet-headed, vintage-T-shirt-wearing Robespierres may soon to be flooding Craigslist with their Bianchi fixed gears.

You've Crashed Your Bike In Public For The Last Time

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Most people can handle a bruised ego from time to time. For example, trying to make a "clever" comment in a huge lecture English 101 class, which no one found remotely funny is rather painful. You put your head down and finish class without drawing any more attention to yourself. Same goes with crashing your fixed gear. Going brake-less means learning to skid-stop. To achieve the skid-stop, lock up the rear wheel by putting your crotch up against the handlebar and locking your legs. Stopping quickly on a fixed gear with no brakes is very difficult, and plowing into a pedestrian or the back of a bus in public is certainly less than hip. The next time you find yourself dusting off your G-Star jacket from another near fatal collision, just accept defeat.

If The Washington Post Does An Article On It, Your Know You're Done

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There are different stages that occur in the life cycle of a trend. There are also certain types of people that fit into each stage of the trend. First, there are the pioneers, next the early adopters, then the general public, and eventually some time after that, the Washington Post. Back in the early 90's, bike messengers switched over to the low maintenance fixed gear to help them maneuver through downtown traffic more efficiently. Bike manufacturers are attempting to re-create the anarchistic, no-logo, fixie in models that can be purchased off the rack or online for $400-$800. Once corporate America gets into it, the hipsters will reject the fixed gear as "selling out", and move onto the next hip thing.

Tags: fixie, fixed gear, cycling, hipsters