Whether you can dance or not, when you are drunk, you think you can. This severe lack of judgment can be an embarrassing venture to undertake, considering that you clearly don't have your wits about you, you are in public, and you are about to put on a physical display the likes of which the world has never seen. In order to minimize the collateral damage, here is a brief guide to some of the most common maneuvers pulled out on the dancefloor, how to use them, when to use them, and when you should just sit back down.

Instructions: Lay on stomach. Flail legs up and down, while moving your torso forward with your hands. This resembles a worm trying to move forward.

The worm takes more commitment than any other regulation dance out there. It also requires the performer to lie down on the dance floor. This shows a dedication to one’s craft, but also may end up completely ruining one's clothes. Please use this maneuver with discretion, and watch for any broken glass. If you are able to do this dance well, there’s a good chance that after you’re done a crowd of your peers will raise you above their shoulders and declare you the best dancer in the club.

More after the jump.

Instructions: This dance move is so easy, you could do it in a wheelchair. Pantomime the shaking and subsequent rolling of the dice with one hand (maybe with some playful head bobbing mixed in for good measure). Then roll the imaginary dice towards someone you want to dance with.

Doing the dice is a good safe bet for guys out there, because it shows women that you are able to sit through a movie starring Katherine Heigl. And they like to be able to talk to you about this type of shit. It may also be a way to get some positive attention without getting yourself completely covered with sweat.



Instructions: Put one hand out in front of you (like a Nazi salute, but with less angle) and the opposite hand on your head. With that same arm, move your elbow forward and back to the beat, while simultaneously twisting your torso with each down-beat. When you can’t twist anymore, quickly turn body all the way back in the other direction and repeat. The entire movement will simulate a lawn sprinkler, so it’s not just a clever name.

At various times throughout the post-Disco era, the Sprinkler has been a very popular dance. It is the perfect move to bust out if you are at throwback 80’s party, or at another ironically-themed party (sponsored by Vice). Think of this move as the dance equivalent of bringing a bunch of people back to your apartment after the club ends, only to bust out your original NES. “Oh Shit!”



Instructions: Find a range of motion you are comfortable waving your arms in, then on every few beats lock your joints for a few beats, then release and start waving again. Once you master this with your upper body, you can move on to your legs/knees.

This is the workingman’s version of The Robot, which is actually a much more difficult dance than you think. This can be a very fun dance that will show people that you have a good sense of humor, unless you get way into it. Remember you never –under any circumstances- want to resemble those gold robot guys in Times Square. As a guideline, take yourself seriously, but smile. Remember, you are not a professional dancer.



Instructions: Raise and extend arms at shoulder level, then put your hands up to create a 90-degree at your elbows. Rhythmically pantomime the milking of a cow above your head. Get into the beat with your legs, and don’t be afraid to bob your head and accentuate with your shoulders to get this all to make sense.

A general rule of thumb is that no heterosexual man should ever dance with both his hands above his head, but this dance is currently the only known exception. Think of this dance as a last resort, because there is virtually no sex appeal. You may get some people laugh at what you are doing, or maybe even solicit some positive attention due to the fact that you simply do not give a fuck.



Instructions: Pretend you have a fishing pole and cast it into the sea of dancing ladies. Continue this casting then reeling rhythmically until you are lucky enough to catch one. You get a special bonus if she pretends to be hooked in the mouth and bounces back to you as you reel her in. If after 10 casts, if you do not receive any bites, it’s time to move on. Don’t worry, there are plenty more dances to be perfectly executed.

This isn’t a real dance per se, but it is a move that people still do. Be forewarned that this move is about as played-out as sarcasm, but with that said you may still get some laughter if used in the right situation. A safe bet is to do this dance at a place when you already have a partner. Otherwise if unsuccessful, this dance can be difficult to watch.



Instructions: Take one step forward, then slide your foot back, keeping it on the floor. immediately follow it with the exact same action from the other foot. Find the beat, and do this rhythmically. Once you find your stride, move the corresponding slightly bent arm forward to simulate walking forward and backwards; if done quickly enough it will seem as though you are running in place.

The running man is classic dance that is a bit harder than it looks. To do the running man takes good cardiovascular health, and a bit of practice. Maybe a good thing to do would be to set up a video camera in your bedroom and tape yourself practicing. Consult the video to see what you are doing wrong, and practice until perfected. Then take your new move to the club. Note: It would be a good idea to get rid of the tape before it ends up on Youtube.

Instructions: While this move can be executed while in the standing position with hands on your partner's hips, the guys who drop it all the way to the floor (crab position) are the ones that are going to leave with the ladies. Once in position, thrust hips up and down to simulate intercourse. As in intercourse, it is always better if you can get a bit of a 'wave' going. 

If you are ever being bumped into, or battling for your place on the dance floor, this move will clear people out quick. Not because it is out of control, rather that you have just taken things to the next level and people want to just sit back and watch. it also shows your prospective partner that you are willing to go to great lengths and physical exertion for her love. Warning: Do not try this without a willing partner. That is called an "Air Hump" and it is not cool.

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