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It's simply not commendable to get a DUI. In fact it's not commendable to get behind the wheel after a few highballs (*remember that, with NYE coming up). But, did you know, however, that you don't actually have to driving a car to get a DUI? In fact, commanding practically anything that has wheels (or in some cases, legs) can be grounds for a DUI. Below are some of the most ridiculous vehicles that people have been charged with DUI while piloting:

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Elmer Stoltzfoos Fisher was charged with a DUI after passing out drunk at the helm of a horse drawn carriage, proving himself to be a horse's ass. On December 10th, 2009, police were notified of a suspiciously slow moving and confused looking horse pulling a carriage down the middle of a Wisconsin road. The horse was reportedly moving at a walking pace along the center line of the road and was clearly not receiving any direction from its operator. Police arrived to find Fisher asleep in the buggy emitting a strong smell of alcohol from his breath. Elmer blew a 0.18 on the breathalyzer, which is more than twice the legal limit.

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In October of 2007, 22-year old Carey Mitchell Syms was fined $300.00 and charged with a DUI for riding his skateboard recklessly into traffic with a bottle of rum in hand. Police claim he was blowing through traffic lights and weaving in and out of lanes with no apparent regard for safety. Syms told the local magistrate, Tom Killeen that he only went skating because he was too drunk to drive himself around. Killeen didn't seem to buy this excuse. "You were affected by alcohol and screaming down a hill towards a road intersection. You could have got yourself killed or caused accidents to other people on the road by your conduct," replied Killeen. Bart Simpson would be proud.

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Most people complain that old people drive too slow. Perhaps setting a new standard for the stereotype, was a 64-year old man from Brisbane Australia, who rode is powered wheelchair onto a major highway hammered. The man claims he was making a nine mile trip to a friends house, and he almost made it. Police spotted him coming off an exit ramp, slouched over in his chair while cars swerved wildly to avoid him. When police issued the breathalyzer, the man blew a 0.301, more than six times the legal limit. He was arrested and charged with DUI.

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Someone ought to tell Maureen A. Conklin of Wingdale, New York not to drink and drive. Bad golfing jokes aside, the 45- year old woman was pulled over along a New York highway by state troopers for driving her golf cart while intoxicated. Police say she was several miles from home in her tan golf cart, and that she had a BAL of 0.13. On top of her DUI, she was also charged with illegally driving a golf cart on a highway.

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On August 16th 2009( on one of the hottest days of the year) Vermont police arrested Joseph Quigley, a Colchester, VT resident, for driving his snowmobile along a local street. Exactly how a snowmobile managed to grind itself along a sun soaked road in the dog days of summer is beyond us. Nevertheless, police followed the strange vehicle for a short distance before the man ditched it in a yard and took off into the woods to evade arrest. Thankfully, a K9 unit arrived at the scene, tracked the man down and slapped him with his fifth DUI. His BAL was clocked at 0.183, more than twice the legal limit.

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After stealing five beers from his father's supply, 18 year old Justin Dale Peters took off on a three-wheeled ATV with a friend of his to go on an all-terrain booze cruise. Kentucky police spotted Peters making an illegal turn on a Leitchfield road, and when they threw their sirens on, he took off to try and evade arrest. Apparently coming to his senses rather quickly, Peters pulled into a driveway and threw his hands up to surrender. His passenger admitted to the police that Peters drank about three of the beers, and his breathalyzer reading was slightly over the Kentucky limit. Peters was arrested and charged with DUI.
Apparently trying to take the bar experience with him, a 28-year old Ohio resident was charged with DUI after drunkenly crashing his motorized bar stool while cruising around town. After downing 15 beers, the man hopped on his 38 MPH bar stool and gallivanted around until tipping it over and spilling onto the road. The man reportedly hit his head on the pavement following the crash while his friend dialed 911 to report the accident. The awkward and humorous 911 call can be heard in the video above. Police arrived to find the man laying among parts of a twisted bar stool and lawn mower engine, which powered the clearly dangerous hillbilly go-cart. The man reports that he drank even more after the crash, pounding a half of a bottle of whiskey to cope with the headache.

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In perhaps the most absurd DUI case ever recorded, Dennis LeRoy Anderson, a 62 year old Minnesota couch potato with far too much time on his hands, was charged with DUI after crashing his motorized La-Z-Boy couch into a parked car. On October 22nd, 2009, Anderson swigged down far too many beers before taking his hot rod couch out for a spin around town. The couch, which was powered by a lawn mower engine, came strapped with a music-pumping boom box, a living room lamp, and cup holders to store his beer while steering. After the crash, the man blew a 0.29, more than three times the legal limit. Perhaps this is what happens when you tell stupid people to, "get off the couch and go do something with themselves."

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'Tis the season to get wasted. On December 20th, 2006, a Columbia, SC Christmas parade was debauched when a man driving one of the floats passed another float in the parade, ran a red light and tore off down Main Street in a drunken rage. The out-of-control holiday float was finally overtaken by the police, who found a drunk driver behind the wheel and an open bottle of alcohol riding shotgun The driver, David Allen Rodgers (who can be seen looking quite foolish here) even had his son in the float with him for his hammered, holiday escapade. Rodgers was slapped with more than a dozen charges, including DUI, kidnapping and assaulting a police officer. There's no word on what Rodgers had to drink that day, but the police have not ruled out absinthe.

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In Sylvania, Alabama, a woman decided to go for a drunken horseback ride through town at midnight on April 4th, 2007. When she was stopped by police, however, she reportedly tried to use the horse as a weapon, commanding it to ram into the police cars and stirring it into a frenzy. "Cars were passing by having to avoid it, and almost hitting the horse," commented Police Chief Brad Gregg who was at the scene of the incident. The woman was charged with DUI and drug offenses, even though her vehicle had hooves instead of tires.

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On November 13th, 2009, an Export, PA resident took his tractor for a beer run at a local tavern, evidently because he had already drank everything at his house. Exercising the discreetness of a howler monkey, 63-year-old Ford Earl Broome roared up to the bar in his tractor, drawing immediate attention from police as he stumbled in to buy his booze. After some questioning, Broome admitted to "drinking a little" before climbing aboard his tractor. As often happens, the breathalyzer proved "a little" to be a relative term, as Broome blew a BAL twice the legal limit.
rtcrooks December 28, 2009 at 1:49am
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