Things To Do When You’re a Husband on a Very Important Business Trip

In case you didn’t know, former Ireland captain Brian O’Driscoll committed the one cardinal sin for those husbands worldwide who are looking to get out and have some fun, when he was caught red handed in March whilst on a ‘business trip’ by his wife Amy Huberman. The Irish rugby legend – who has also captained the British and Irish Lions – was in Hong Kong as an ambassador for HSBC, attending the World Sevens event (basically rugby, but with 7 players).

He was snapped by a fellow party-goer, clearly enjoying his time at the event – but it was a picture that would ultimately land him firmly in his wife’s bad books. The picture shows O’Driscoll crowd surfing, arms in the air, sporting some fluorescent glasses. He clearly told his wife that this would be another monotonous trip away required for work and her response to the image was perhaps not what BOD wanted to see whilst nursing a hangover. The price of his actions? Only a giant Toblerone.

So just how much of this trip to Hong Kong was business? Well, after almost 3 weeks of groveling O’Driscoll has likely talked his way out of the doghouse (although we suspect the Toblerone helped!) and it’s finally time to look at a possible – and quite plausible – diary of his few days in China…

Day 1

Our flight this morning was delayed by two hours, so I had to find a way to keep myself entertained. I constructed a miniature drum kit using an old Dr. Pepper can, a magazine and two pens. I even had a crisp packet on my shoe. Suede shoes are now ruined.

We reached our hotel in the early hours of the morning and I headed straight for bed.

Day 2

Having escaped the confines of our hotel early this morning, we embarked on the short journey to So Kon Po on Hong Kong Island, where the HK Tournament is held. The humidity hit me instantly as I stepped out from the hotel lobby and the busy, vibrant streets of HK drew me in for a moment.

Credit: David Leo Veksler

Credit: David Leo Veksler

We made it to the venue in plenty of time and after a long day of answering question after question about the European Championships and taking some obligatory fan photos, I was ready to explore a little more.

I left behind the rugby crowd and wandered down the street. Before I knew it I was bustled into what looked like the back entrance to another stadium, with an angry man shouting at me whilst pointing energetically to his watch. I think I was late for something.

I apologized profusely for my unknown lateness, before being ushered towards the back of a line of other men. There were about 15 of us in total. We were then led ceremoniously to our seats. I was beginning to wonder what this had to do with rugby. I think I may have stumbled accidentally upon an Ostrich racing circuit, and I have to say I wasn’t aware they existed before now.

If there’s anything I can say I’ve learnt from today, it’s that ostriches are hard to control.

Day 3

Another boring day signing rugby balls for me, but luckily a chance to leave early. We returned to our hotel in the early evening and headed out for some quiet drinks.

Later that evening, after a few deliciously alcoholic beverages, I followed part of the crew into a bar aptly named Karaoke Box. This was my time to show these people what I’m made of.

I might have reached the pinnacle of Rugby Union but the days of trick shots and being able to assuredly predict the outright winners of tournaments and competitions – such as the upcoming World Cup – to anyone who asks. No, my purpose in life is now Karaoke. Some people think I take rugby seriously, but those people have never seen me at 3am belting out the final chorus to ‘Livin’ On A Prayer’.

Finally, it was my turn to shine. Take it from me, ‘These Boots are Made for Walkin’, lasts an eternity when you are patiently waiting to melt people’s faces with a blistering display of vocal perfection and choreography to match (that’s right, I dance, too).

This time I selected one of my more subtle ensembles to please the crowd. ‘Kung Fu Fighting’. I played it safe, working the room initially before unleashing my vocal range. I had the crowd wrapped around my little finger. It was time for the finale, the showstopper. I approached the last 10 seconds of the song and unleashed my most potent dance move. Unfortunately the result was a roundhouse kick to the chest for a member of our party, it felt like a little rib-tickler, but he looked hurt.

Day 4

My last full day in Hong Kong. There was something I had to see before I leave.

Batman building. Of course, it isn’t actually called that but instead, the International Finance Centre. I sincerely hope the security guard passed on my suggestions of renaming the place as the ‘Super Cool Batman Tower’, but I have my doubts.

Credit: Chi King

Credit: Chi King

We took the lift up to the 63rd floor. In this moment, I felt a bat-like state come over me and before I knew it I was pretty much Bruce Wayne. I pretended to be interested in whatever our tour guide was rambling on about, but by this point I only had eyes for the mission. The mission, you ask? One word: intel. I saw my opportunity on our way out, grabbing a piece of paper from a desk just before we went into the lift – maybe this was the intel I needed to finally foil The Joker.

Day 5

Went to the closing party last night where the tournament is held and I’m afraid I don’t remember a great deal. I feel as though I have whiplash (might have something to do with the ostrich fall, but I’m not sure) and I have a pair of fluorescent sunglasses in my pocket. My mouth tastes like paint stripper. Hopefully I stayed under the radar last night and didn’t get too rowdy; it is a business trip after all…

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