Woke up face down in your own pool of vomit? Unable to remember the crazy antics you pulled last night because you had one too many glasses of wine? Who’s counting anyway?
We’ve all been there.
At one point or another, you find yourself so drunk off your rockers; you lose all sense of good judgment. Thanks to your friends, everything from last night is well documented on Facebook for Nana to see! Alcohol is great, but it can also be your worst enemy. And because we look after our bros even when they’re shitfaced by the gutter, we’ve listed down 15 of the most common mistakes we all make when we are drunk. Hopefully, y’all will keep this list in mind the next time you party with your friends (or not, whatever).
Drunk Dialing / Sexting
Trying to seduce your ex with drunken gibberish at 3 in the morning is so sexy. That’ll show her what she’s missing! Dude, just… no. Let’s face it, some people turn to alcohol after a rough breakup. We cry our eyes out and bare our soul over pitchers of beers.
But don’t let drunkenness lead to you embarrassing yourself to the woman who just dumped you! Calling your ex or your late night booty call completely inebriated is a no-no. If you don’t trust yourself from drunk-dialing people, let your buddy keep your phone or erase your ex’s number.
Drunkenly running around naked is not exactly the best way to impress the neighbors. Streaking has been a popular prank since the 70s but it died down in the 80s. Of course, drunk people aren’t exactly known for keeping up with the latest pranks. If you do not want to deal with a hailstorm of photographs of your bare ass on Facebook, do not put yourself in a situation where you will regret the outcome later on. Trust me, streaking is only cool when Will Ferrell does it.
Sending Naked Pictures
Social media and alcohol don’t mix. Sending out naked pictures of yourself to your ex to remind him of how bangin’ your body is a bad idea. If there’s one thing we learned from the whole Vanessa Hudgens nekkid pics debacle, it’s that some exes are total dirt bags. Unless you are comfortable with the idea of your naked pictures getting leers and jeers from hundreds of people online, do not put yourself in a compromising position.
Drunk people tend to get ticked off much quicker than sober people, making them more aggressive than usual. Alcohol lowers inhibitions and increases aggression. An innocent remark can quickly escalate to a full on bar fight when everyone is inebriated. If you don’t want to sober up in jail and having to explain to your girlfriend/parents why you need the bail money, keep a cool head when partying with friends.
Hooking Up With Strangers
Ah, to be young and careless. Casual sex is exciting, it’s fun! It can also result in venereal disease, unwanted pregnancy or a super awkward morning after with a person whose name you can’t even remember. Casual sex is great if done with a relatively clear head. Don’t risk exposing yourself to STDs because you forgot to wear a condom in your drunken haze.
Getting a Tattoo
Wouldn’t it be nice to wake from your drunken stupor only to realize you have a tattoo of your mom’s glamour shot on your left ass cheek? I bet she’d appreciate the gesture! We’ve heard of horror stories involving people getting inked while being intoxicated only to get the shock of their life the morning after. Think Ted’s butterfly tattoo from “How I Met Your Mother”. Lots of tattoo parlors lost their licenses this way so save yourself the pain of laser tattoo removal and never set foot on a tattoo parlor drunk.
Being Obnoxious in the Club
Nothing good comes out of being pushy in the club. Do not scream at the DJ to play your favorite songs. Never get too hands-y with women especially if they are surrounded by their male companion and do not tempt fate by taunting the bouncers. You’re just asking for a nice beating or a permanent ban at the hottest club in the city. Bouncers are paid to beat obnoxious people to a bloody pulp so beware, they’re not about to take your bullshit.
Attending a Meeting
It’s not uncommon for some folks to show up at meetings completely sloshed. It’s not the best way to get that cute redhead’s attention. No matter how tough work gets, avoid spending your lunch break at the local bar and getting piss drunk in the middle of the afternoon. Showing up hammered at work is not worth getting fired for. You lose beer money that way!
Drunkenly Spending All Your Money
It’s easy to lose track of how much money we spent paying off round after round of drinks. For some reason, we feel more inclined to treat others with cocktails when we’re drunk. While it’s tempting to buy more drinks to impress the ladies, make sure you are not setting yourself up to eating oatmeal paste for the rest of the week. Unless you’re into that then more power to you.
There is no excuse in cheating. Once you cheat, there is no going back. Alcohol tends to amplify our feelings or lust. As soon as you feel that things are heading to something that could potentially ruin what you have with your spouse, remove yourself from the situation immediately. However, if the deed is done, deal with the consequences like a grown man. Own up to it, even if you don’t remember the incident.
Here’s the scene from last night: you saw this gorgeous blonde hanging out by the bar, obviously waiting for guys to buy her a drink. In your inebriated state, you bought her a couple of cocktails, one thing led to another and before you know it, she spent the rest of the night screaming your name (among other things). Now come the morning after, you get the shock of your life when the hard 9 you remember bringing home turned into a soft 4 right before your very eyes. Ah, the classic tale of deception. Making babes out of trolls, alcohol, you’ve done it again.
Becoming Best Friends With Your Frenemy
When inhibitions are down, we tend to get too friendly even to people we normally hate in our sober state. When you don’t like a person, you do so for a reason. It can turn really awkward when you spent the rest of the night swearing you’d take a bullet for your frenemy only to be reminded the next morning why you hated the person in the first place.
Unfortunately, accidents from falling off things while drunk happen more often than you think. For some weird reason, high places are a magnet for piss drunk fools who couldn’t wait to scale that thing. Other than our commons sense and better judgment, we tend to lose our sense of balance when in a drunken state. Eye-hand and leg coordination goes out the window when you had too much to drink. Sober or sloshed, climbing a tree or scaling a building is dangerous, period. Save your parkour training for lunch time at work.
Relieving Yourself in Public Places
Don’t pull a Gerard Depardieu. While it’s understandable to be tempted to let loose when you’re drunk at 2 in the morning and there’s no men’s room in sight, don’t do it in a public place. There are laws against peeing in public and you do not want to be arrested for being drunk in public after a night of debauchery.
Being Aggressive With Authorities
It’s easy to lose your head when you’ve had one drink too many. Especially if you come across law enforcement and they give you a hard time. While it’s tough to deal with cops in general, there are certain times when you need to do what they say to avoid more trouble. Like when you’re drunk out of your mind and you just got caught peeing in public. In moments like these, it’s not the best time to get in their face with your drunken gibberish about your rights. Nothing is ever worth getting tased by the cops and your friends would probably never let this incident die down too. So when being confronted by cops, keep a cool head and explain yourself calmly.
I’m sure you’ve had some famous debaucheries your friends won’t let you live down. Let us know in the comments below some of your favorites!