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Strip clubs are often derided for their supposed negative impact on the surrounding community: men waste their hard earned money here; and the amount of money that can be earned working as a stripper prevents would be preschool teachers and psychologists from pursuing other, more appropriate careers. Truthfully, not all strip clubs are just for staring at naked women dancing sexually on a stage. This is of course a large reason for their success, but many of these clubs are also great places to get to know people, to share a meal, to get work done, and in one case to receive free preventative health care. Below is a list of our favorite strip clubs in America, because of what they offer to their clientele beyond blue balls and regret. They are the best amenities that men could want to find at strip clubs.

The Lodge, A Club for Men – Dallas, TX

(Source: Flickr)

For the business guy type, The Lodge has made it possible for go-getters to bring their laptops into the strip club and access the free wi-fi, and business center complete with fax and copy machines. There is also a coffee bar, where visitors can drink all the free coffee they need, whether they are about to pull an all-nighter, or they just did. This move effectively does away with the need for Kinkos and the office, and it puts a new, much-welcomed perspective on multi-tasking. Trolling facebook for status updates with one hand, while stuffing a $1 into a g-string with the other need no longer be a fantasy.

10530 Spangler Rd, Dallas, TX 75220 Phone: (972) 506-9229

Casa Diablo – Portland, OR

(Source: Flickr)

Who says that socially-aware diets and full nude pole-dancing should be mutually exclusive? No one. But for some reason, vegan strip clubs were hereunto an untapped niche market. Leave it to someone in Portland to come up with this idea, and create an environment that is as accepting of nipple clamps and 10” heels as it is of veggie burgers. Note: it is recommended to leave the fur coat and lambs wool cap at home.

37th and NW Nicolai-SHR, Portland, OR 97210 Phone: (503) 222-6600

Cheerleaders – Philadelphia, PA

(Source: Flickr)

Every heterosexual male has some type of cheerleader fantasy, and this bar has chosen to exploit this by naming their bar as such. While not every girl that dances here dresses up with pigtails and pom-poms, this bar is one of our favorites because they offer a full walk-in humidor, and massage therapists. Happy endings are implied, mind you.

2740 S Front St, Philadelphia, PA 19148 Phone: (215) 467-1980

Club Risque – Philadelphia, PA

(Source: Flickr)

Philadelphia is the city of Brotherly Love, but it is also noted for having some of the best strip clubs in the country. Aside from being able to BYOB at Risque, club goers are invited to come by mid day for free lunch. This all-you-can-eat-arrangement assures that the least attractive girls working the day shift get tips too, and also that everyone can justify spending money on tipping dancers, because hey, you just got a free lunch.

1700 South Columbus Blvd Philadelphia, PA 19148 Phone: (215) 463-6900

Cheetah – Atlanta, GA

(Source: Flickr)

In these trying economic times, it’s not unusual to want comfort food. Atlanta-based Cheetah, has decided to up their ante by offering – in addition to tons of gyrating breasts, vaginas and asses – gourmet lasagna, entirely free. If your children are not old enough to enter the strip club, simply line your pockets with plastic bags and then smuggle the lasagna out to take home to them. Definitely a new take on ‘bringing home the bacon’. This of course should be done after the lap dance. Rumors suggest that there may be some ricotta cheese involved.

887 Spring St NW, Atlanta, GA 30308 Phone: (678) 916-4316

Cocoon Gentleman’s Club – Arcadia, CA

(Source: Flickr)

It was just a matter of time before someone – no doubt, after spending a good deal of time staring at naked, jiggling women – realized that spicy tuna handrolls were a completely logical food offering that strip clubs had traditionally left out. This genius combination works in so many ways, especially in that southern California men can now simply tell their women and co-workers that they are, “going out for sushi with the boys”.

1580 Clark St, Arcadia, CA 91006 Phone: (626) 232-1545

All Stars -San Antiono, TX

(Source: Flickr)

Baby back ribs can now be eaten in the strip club. Of course, the biggest deterrent from this being a more widespread trend in gentlemen’s clubs across the country is a concern of errant barbeque sauce getting all over the place: the tables, the money, the girls. Only in Texas would logic not get in the way of pure decadence. There is nothing classier than paper towel spools on tables covered with BBQ sauces, with a topless girl dancing on top of course.

9440 W Ih 10, San Antonio, TX 78230 Phone: (210) 593-0576

Acropolis Steakhouse – Portland, OR

(Source: Flickr)

Tom Leykis famously tells his male listeners to limit spending on a date to $40.00. We say, if you can find a steak for under $10 that is not at Sizzler, it is at least worth a shot. So if you are ever in Portland, make sure you check out Acropolis Steakhouse. With free admission and $3 premium steaks, you’ll feel as wise as Warren Buffett. If the girls dancing the night you decide to go are not the most attractive dancers in the world, don’t complain: you got a $3 steak, guy.

8325 SE Mcloughlin Blvd, Portland, OR 97202-7434 Phone: (503) 231-9611

Men’s Club – Las Vegas, NV

(Source: Flickr)

Not only is the Men’s Club one of the most exclusive and high-end strip clubs in the Sin City, they have one amenity that is pure genius: The ‘Excuse Booth’. This booth (a la Get Smart) is sound proof for guests that need to call their boss, mom or wife/girlfriends and make up a lie about where they are at. Now they can do so without the noise and background music of a club wrecking things. Because it’s difficult to convince someone that you are stuck in traffic or playing the back nine of an executive course, when techno is blaring in the background and you have to keep yelling “What? Sorry, it’s loud in here – what did you say?” The Men’s Club also has a 10,000 bottle wine cellar.

3500 W. Naples Dr. Las Vegas, NV 89103 Phone: (800) 956-3809

Rachel’s – Casselberry, FL

(Source: Flickr)

During the last flu season, Rachel’s saw the need to reach out the community by offering all surrounding area residents over 55 a free flu shot; they were subsequently priced at $10 for younger persons. Additionally, free meals were provided for senior citizens. While this amenity is seasonal, it definitely is a big slap to the balls of all the people that think adult clubs are bad for the community. It was also the first time in history that going to a strip club actually helped prevent some people from getting diseases.

401 Semoran Blvd, Casselberry, FL 32707 Phone: (407) 767-2977

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