21 Awful Tattoos and What They Say About You | Sloshspot Blog

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21 Awful Tattoos and What They Say About You
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Tattoos are supposed to be a permanent, physical expression of yourself. Be it to commemorate a special time in your life or to remember a family member or friend, tattoos speak volumes about those wearing them. Consider this a helpful reminder that polishing off a 30-pack of Bud Light with a girl you met outside the anger management counseling center is not the best environment for tattoo planning. Below are 21 awful tattoos and what they say about the people wearing them, and serve as evidence that liquid courage leads to kids, and in some cases kids who ask their daddy why there are legs painted on or around the armpit.

The Huge Tribal

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Huge tribal tattoos signal insecurity and the need for validation. After all, what is a tribal tattoo if not an attempt to call attention to your juiced muscles? Since none of the people currently wearing them have ever belonged to a tribe, the designs are meaningless attempts to look tough.

Emo "Cut Here" Wrist Tattoo

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Nothing screams "teenage girl" like a "Cut Here" tattoo on your wrist. Getting this tattoo is a sure fire way to make sure nobody ever takes you seriously again. If you were really that deeply disturbed you would have scars, not tattoos. This tattoo marks you as a person who probably grew up in the suburbs and didn't get enough attention from mommy and daddy, crying for sympathy from anyone who will ask about their "emotional issues."

Nintendo Knuckles Tattoo

(source) Not only can this man not conceal his juvenile Mario tattoo, he chose to get these hallmarks of childhood gaming permanently printed across his knuckles. This tattoo shows that your social life is limited to LAN parties, and that your main hobbies involve controllers and a television. If there's one sure fire way to let the world know that you are a proud nerd, this might be it.

Six Pack Tattoo

(source) This tattoo lets others know that you are out of shape and don't give a fuck and have an incredible sense of humor and an affinity for double entendre. By the look of it, he had that tattoo when he was a little bit thinner and it has since been pushed up a bit from the girth of an ever expanding stomach. Pretty soon this guy is going to have to upgrade to a 12 pack.

Steven Colbert

(source) Most of us find Steven Colbert funny, but to get his face tattooed to you is taking it a bit too far. This tattoo basically says, "I care about current events, but only insofar as I can laugh at them." When political climates begin to get serious, the bearer of this tattoo is no longer interested. The only proper case for getting this tattoo is if you are indeed Stephen Colbert and you want to up the ante from shaving your head

Pothead Dolphin

(source) Either this tattoo was a vision he had while smoking a ton of weed, or the dolphin is supposed to represent him on a typical day. Smoking weed on his ripped up recliner with a tribal tattoo and red bong, this tattoo is probably a reflection of how the wearer sees himself. Some people get tattoos to commemorate the things in their life that mean the most to them, this guy chose to get aquatic animals smoking pot.

Armpit Bush

(source) Not only is this guy letting the world know that he likes hairy stripper bushes, but he's also saying he likes them to smell like armpit. This man's tattoo also lets everyone know that the only time he gets laid is when he pays for it. After all, who but a hooker would stick around after seeing an armpit crotch on the guy they're about to sleep with?

Connect The Dots

(source) This girl must have enjoyed 3rd grade art class far too much. Either she didn't get enough play time as a kid, or she needed a permanent cure for boredom. Bus late this morning? Why not play some connect the dots! The problem is that, from afar, the unconnected dots look a lot like a skin disease.

Pabst Blue Ribbon

(source) Very few things scream "redneck" more than a Pabst Blue Ribbon tattoo. It is a cheap, made-to-be-chugged, American brew. Nothing about PBR is worthy of commemoration via tattoo, and anyone tasteless enough to dedicate skin space to such a cheap beer is letting the world know that their most cherished memories are of the moments before blacking out in dive bars.

Tribal Face Tattoo

(source) This tattoo says, "Rather than being here in this office, I should be in the jungle banging rocks together." Not only does a full face jungle tattoo like this ruin any chance of getting laid you ever had, it communicates to everyone that there is something fundamentally off about you that you should want to wake up every morning looking like this. Say goodbye to serious jobs, too. Nobody wants George of the Jungle hanging around the water cooler every morning.

Eye Zippers

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Crying for attention gone wrong. These hideous and nauseating tattoos have forever ruined any chance at moderate attractiveness she might have had. Wearing what looks like permanent Halloween makeup, this girl looks like someone who should be jumping out at you on a haunted hay-ride. Few thoughts are more offensive than turning over and seeing that sickening ink on the pillow next to you every morning.

Tear Drop Tattoo

(source) We're not sure how this tattoo caught on, but we do know what it says about a person. Australian prisoners used to forcibly place this tattoo on an inmate who was serving time for being a child sexual predator. In other words, the tear tattoo was the mark of a pedophile, yet somehow it has caught on in popular culture.

Unicorns

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This disturbing and strangely hilarious tattoo can only be the product of one too many acid trips. Imagine telling the tattoo artist that you wish to get two pastel colored flying horses having sex while smoking pot in front of a rainbow. The scene looks like something out of an "adults only" version of Candyland. Maybe we have this psychedelics-loving hippie all wrong; maybe they just really love bestiality.

Black Polaroid

(source) Perhaps the designer is trying to say that his life is still undeveloped, that he's waiting to see how the picture turns out. Whatever the story here is, this tattoo is a sign of a guy who writes terribly sappy songs on his acoustic guitar, listens to James Blunt, and perhaps had a really embarrassing tattoo that he needed to cover up with an ugly black square.

Bad Boys For Life

(source) If anything screams "prison tattoo," it has got to be this crappy self-inked piece. First of all, if this guy was a real bad boy he wouldn't need to do his tattoos with a heated needle and pen ink. If this guy isn't a 15 year old boy, his stupid tattoo clearly shows that he as about as mature as one.

Gorilla Rooster

(source) Perhaps he's trying to say hes a cock with a bad temper...or maybe he is a violent furry. To us, this tattoo screams "I lost a bet."

Neck Skull

(source) In the same way that the wearer has clearly shaved his head into a bright red Mohawk, gauged his ears out and got a stupid skull and crossbones on the back of his head, this horrendously unattractive "skull beneath the skin" tattoo is his reminder that it's what's on the inside that counts. Watch with zero surprise at the swimming pool when he pulls of his wife beater to reveal a "fuck the world" tattoo across his chest.

Skull Snake

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This tattoo is trashy biker chick meets Dungeons and Dragons. The skull with the vine around it is definitely biker, but the bat wings and the knife with a snake for a handle is straight out of fantasy video games. This is probably the same kind of girl whose book cases and bed-side tables are littered with medieval statues and figurines of warriors, wizards and dragons. In other words, this girl is too nerdy for biker dudes, but too tough for video game nerds. Talk about an identity crisis.

Broken Heart

(source) This tattoo looks like it was decided upon while the wearer was crying over the loss of a month long relationship, in between writing poetry and listening to crappy emo records. Someday, when this guy gets a little older and his hormones stable out, he's going to wonder just what kind of sappy loser he was when he got this pity-party tattooed to himself.

UnFuckWithable

(source) This young busta is clearly trying too hard. Everyone knows that if you have to tell people you're a badass with your tattoos or clothing, you probably aren't. This tattoo is nothing more than an invitation to fuck with this man, as he clearly feels vulnerable and uses this tattoo as a veil of strength. That said, he does get props from postmodern linguists

Fuck The Police

(source) This tattoo is a sure-fire predictor that you're going to get arrested by the police. Anyone who has a "Fuck the Police" tattoo is just inviting irony to reach out and slap them with an arrest record a mile long. It also advertises yourself as someone who has a reason to fear arrest. This pegs you as a drug dealer, thief or otherwise seedy individual. If ever you meet someone with a tattoo as classless as this, just picture the man shown above and chuckle quietly to yourself, for its only a matter of time before he too is snatched by the long arm of the law.

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