Being single, it’s either a blessing or a curse depending on how you look at it. If you are one of those guys who always says “Hey baby, how you doin’?” like Joey from Friends, I think you need some new pick-up lines. Even though “Your dad must be a thief, cuz you have diamonds in your eyes” is a sure fire pick-up line, we have a created a list of our favorite bar pick-up lines. We can’t promise that they will work, but they will get a reaction for sure! The response you get may range from mild amusement to wildly violent. It’s all in the luck of the draw. So whether you’re looking for a long time partner, or just a quick roll in the sack (which, come on, is probably really the case) here are a few lines to help speed up the process. Put on those beer goggles and try these babies out. And make sure to let us know which ones actually work!
Although we’d be more than happy to get a laugh in on someone else’s expense, we’re not that cruel. Since we want to give you an actual chance, we’ve categorized these pick up lines in 3 categories, from the classics, to corny, to just plain sad. So here goes…
“Do you come here often?” Let’s face it. It’s simple, straightforward, and very uncomplicated.
“If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.” Who doesn’t enjoy a little drunken alphabetizing?
“You must be tired coz you’ve been running through my mind all night!” I swear, this one has been around since I can’t even remember…
“I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?” Might just work if you were actually good looking and charming. Otherwise, don’t count on it!
“Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?” What woman doesn’t like being referred to as an angel? Oh, I know, women getting picked up in bars, that’s who. They’d rather be called devils, in and out of bed.
“What’s your sign?” Apparently this one is for the books! This has 70’s disco written all over it. I’d ask my mom if someone ever tried it on her but I’m afraid of what she just might tell me (shudder).
“Are you a parking ticket? ‘Cause you’ve got fine written all over you.” Any confident woman might just tell you that she’s definitely an expensive parking ticket. You gotta pay to park your car in her garage.
“If being sexy was a crime, you’d be guilty as charged!” Cue women all bursting out a chorus of, “Guilty!”
“Is it hot in here or is it just you?” This line is pathetic and hilarious, it all depends on your delivery. See how the girl reacts. If you get a slap on the face, then don’t ever dare use this line ever again.
“That dress is beautiful, but it would look even better on my bedroom floor.” This is one of those lines where you really hope the woman is a little more devil than nun. Pro tip: Use this line at about 1:55am when everyone is already trashed, and about ready to head home.
“Oh, come on!”:
“Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.” Admittedly, you have to be very confident about the package you carry.
“Do you wash your panties with Windex?” Because I can really see myself in them. Talk about gutsy.
“Are you lost? Because Heaven must be missing an angel.” This might have worked years back. Now, maybe not!
“Excuse me, do you mind if I stare at you for a minute? I want to remember your face for my dreams.” Talk about creeping her out.
“Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?” Nope, just walk by and get lost, if you ask me.
“I don’t have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?” Sorry, I only go for the geniuses who know the Dewey Decimal System.
“You look a lot like my next girlfriend.” Or, you could be the last face I see before I get my head whipped out of my neck.
The following pick-up lines have no need for comments. They’re a disaster on their own, and if you dare use one of them, you’ve just gotten yourself inducted into the league of losers.
“You’re like asthma, you take my breath away.”
“Hey, I bet nobody’s ever picked you up like this before (Tosses condom onto table.)”
“Save water. Shower with me.”
“Hi. I only have three months to live…”
“I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away.”
“Was that an earthquake or did you just rock my world?”
“What do you say we go back to my crib and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply”
“I have a six inch tongue and I can breath through my ears”
Albeit, some of these are undoubtedly clever, it seems that most are completely out of realm. I mean, hey, if they work for you, then that’s great! They were probably extremely drunk, lacked a few cell membranes between the ears, or just hasn’t had sex in a really long time. But who are we to judge? The whole premise behind the pick up line is that it, in effect, does exactly what it’s meant to. They are designed to pick someone up and enjoy an evening, if not an entire lifetime, of fun, exciting and enjoyable unadulterated sex.
The only problem with a pick up line is that it’s still a ploy to get someone into bed, or at least the possibility of it. Even without the obvious sexual innuendos, pick up lines are exactly that, a come on to get someone to sleep with you, or least do other dirty stuff. If you use these lines nowadays, your chances for success are low to none. But then again, it’s worth being the laughingstock for the night. At least you got the girl to smile, even if it’s at your expense. Remember, the Naked Man worked for Ted on How I Met Your Mother, so maybe one of these lines will work for you!