Remember the good old days, when a band had one huge, multi-platinum hit, and then you'd never hear from them again? Well, those days are not entirely over just yet - and while we are forced to suffer the musings of the Jonas Brothers  right now - it does seem like the really huge one hit wonders (not associated w/ American Idol) are a bit less common. They are some of the strangest, and most annoying one hit wonders that ascended to the top of the charts when, in retrospect, the only excuse we have is that we were A) doing a lot of acid at the time, or B) not really paying attention to music when this all happened. The following is a list of Thirteen One Hit Wonders the world simply never needed.

source

When boy bands were topping the charts in the late 1990’s, Italian Europop group Eifel 65 was introducing the world to a dance track about their beloved color blue. The band reportedly went on to remix this song over 15 times. The band's most notable contribution to the American music scene was coining the term “Europop,” the genre which that has become synonymous with shinny shirts and dancing, sweaty men. Fortunately, Eiffel 65 never achieved the same level of success as they did with “Blue (Da Ba Dee),” and in 2006 decided to call it quits.

 

Sisqo – The Thong Song (1999)

source

No one was more cool in the summer of 1999, than the silver haired, R&B artist jumping around on the beach singing about girls underwear. This song introduced a whole generation of women to the comfort of assless underwear, and solidified the reputation of MTV’s 50-year-old executives as America’s collective creepy step-uncle. After "The Thong Song", Sisqo's solo career fell off. In 2008, Sisqo tried to R&B group, Dru Hill for a renunion tour, and in a radio interview to announce this, he subeqeuntly got in a fistfight with his bandmates, and the band broke up again.

 

Lou Bega – Mambo No. 5 (1999)

source

Surprisingly “Mambo No 5” at one point reached #3 on the Billboard top 100. American listeners should be proud that this song came and went quickly because Bega’s song reached the #1 spot in France, where it stayed for 20 weeks. Currently Lou Bega is continuing to try and produce music with a Latin vibe. He remains popular in old folks homes where he has been rumored to make appearances every once and a while, but unfortunately many of his listeners think he’s singing about a new boner pill called Schlambo No. 5.

 

Tag Team – Whoop! (There it is) 1993

source

If you attended any sporting event in the mid 1990’s, chances are you heard and quietly mouthed Tag Team’s “Whoop! (There it is)" at least once. You may have even been guilty of singing this song and doing the Arsenio Hall fist pump at the same time. I guess if you write a hit as big as Whoop!, you don’t have to write another one, or in the case of Tag Team you don’t even try. After this was released in 1993, the only thing Tag Team did was continue to remix their one hit. If this move was premeditated, then this is what you call the pinnacle of music artistry: write one song, cash in forever.

 

Kris Kross – Jump (1992)

source

Uncle Kracker – Follow Me (2001)

source

Matthew Shaffer, aka Uncle Kracker was best known as Kid Rock’s DJ until he released his first solo record in 2001. His single “Follow Me” peaked at #7 on the Billboard top 200. Uncle Kracker could not repeat the success of his first record and in 2007 was arrested and charged with rape. Supposedly he never got the memo that he wasn’t a big enough star to force someone to have sex with him.

 

Vanilla Ice – Ice Ice Baby (1990)

source

Rob Van Winkle, splashed on to the urban pop scene in 1990 with his multi-platinum, “Ice Ice Baby.” It was the first rap song to reach #1 on the Billboard top 100. What followed for Rob was a live album and terrible movie career. He was eventually sued for sampling Queen, and shook down by glass-jawed, gangster rap mogul Suge Knight. Van Winkle was never able to repeat the success of his first single. He currently is known for his violent outbursts on reality TV and was recently arrested on suspicion of domestic violence.

 

Soft Cell – Tainted Love (1982)

source

Soft Cell's single “Tainted Love” achieved success by reaching the #1 spot in 17 different countries around the world. It then went on to set a Guiness World record for longest stay on the Billboard top 100 at 43 weeks. Then the band started writing non-hits. Constant drug use eventually took its toll and the band broke up. In and out of rehab the band finally collaborated again in the 1990’s and eventually reunited to play shows in the early 2000’s, unfortunately the word “taint” had taken on a whole new meaning by then and new listeners thought they were a musical comedy group.

 

Crazy Town – Butterfly (2001)

source

 

Crazy Town’s single “Butterfly” received heavy rotation on MTV and eventually reached the #1 spot on the Billboard charts. While at OZZfest, Crazy Town was kicked off the tour after being arrested for a drug and alcohol-induced tantrum. In the mid 2000’s there were rumors flying around the tabloids of lead rapper, Shifty Shellshock’s death. The rumors unfortunately turned out to be false, and the band is supposedly working on their follow up called “Crazy Town is Back.” Currently you can catch Shifty on a Rehab reality show making pretend suicide threats from a non-disclosed crawl space in Dr. Drew’s office.

4 Non Blondes – What’s Up (1993)

source

4 Non Blondes sold over 5 million copies of the debut CD with the strength of their first single “What’s Up.” Lead singer, Linda Perry knew she was the real talent in the band, and shortly after the band's initial success, decided to pursue a solo career. Perry's homeless geriatric look had little appeal and her career failed miserably. Humbled by the lack of public interest in her solo material she began to write for others artists, presumably for commercials.

 

Haddaway – What is Love (1993)

source

This song became the soundtrack to Will Ferrell’s biggest breakout role in Night at the Roxbury. What is Love” was the only hit for this Erotic Caribbean Dance Club performer who's current whereabouts are unknown. Though Haddaway released two other records in the 1990’s, further success proved elusive. Not much is known about this artist; but, rumors suggest he is never far from a shirtless. a club and/or an appletini.

 

Ugly Kid Joe – Every Thing About You (1993)

Starting out as a college band at UCSB, Ugly Kid Joe quickly became a local favorite at frat and sorority parties in the surrounding area. By 1993 they had a #3 hit on their hands, as the country embraced their pre-BROish frat boy rock. Luckily for radio listeners their next semi-hit was a cover, “Cats in the Cradle.” Soon after their popularity diminished in America, and they would go on to find solace in the arms of western Europeans. This however, proved to short-lived as well, and by 1997 no one ever had to listen to their music again…until the drummer started Godsmack which continues to hurt our ears to this day.

 

EMF – Unbelievable (1991)

source

It's ironic, that after writing such a memorable song, no one can remember who wrote the song “Unbelievable.” Well, the band is EMF, and this song quickly found success in climbing the music charts in America and the UK. Soon after, the band soon faded into oblivion, never to be heard from again.