Have you ever wondered why so many hot chicks are often found dating really ugly guys? That’s probably because in these cases, most of those unbelievably bad looking men are rock stars. Either that, or they have huge wieners and know exactly how to use them. But mostly it’s because they’re rock stars. They say that if you choose to close off one of your senses, the rest of them are heightened. Good thing these dudes can all sing, or else they probably would never have gotten laid… like ever. And just to prove our point, we’ve made this list. Take a look at 15 of the ugliest front men in music.
1. Shane MacGowan
There’s just no excuse for anyone to look as ugly as Shane MacGowan, especially if you earn enough money to do something about it. From his missing teeth, to his horrible overgrowth of hair and stubble, to the unforgivable dead look in his eyes due to alcohol and heroin abuse, he is just one hideous-looking dude. Lucky for him it was really love with his long-time girlfriend. For some reason she couldn’t live without him, even if she has to look at him all day, every day.
2. Alice Cooper
Alice Cooper is called by many as “The Godfather of Shock Rock”. Many of his concerts make use of guillotines, fake blood, electric chairs and boa constrictors, just to name a few. In reality though, he really doesn’t need too many theatrics. His face alone is scary enough to shock anyone. With such a huge production team though, he should have found a way to make himself better looking, don’t you think?
3. Marilyn Manson
You know how people say all babies are cute? I hardly believe this was the case when Marilyn Manson was born. The doctor that delivered him probably slapped his mom rather than his behind in the horror of how odd-looking he was even as a newborn. I guess he really had no choice in his pre-destined life but to look like the freak that he is. Or at least he can use that at his excuse.
4. Roland Orzabal
Tears for Fears is probably one of the best known new wave bands that became a worldwide success. In their heyday, everybody pretty much wanted to “sow in their seeds of love”, as one of their most popular songs goes. And if it weren’t for their well-deserved fame, I’m pretty sure that Roland Orzabal wouldn’t be sowing seeds in anything else except possibly his own hand. Even without that mop of unruly hair and quite unseemly facial singing expressions, I’m pretty sure he wasn’t the reigning prom king in high school, although I wouldn’t be surprised if he was part of the marching band.
5. Iggy Pop
One look at this picture and you’d think that Iggy Pop was used like a guinea pig for some outlandish medical test. The truth isn’t too far from that actually. With the amount of drugs and alcohol he’s consumed within his life span, it’s like he made himself an experiment all on his own. Noticeably naked in most of his pictures, with his veins sticking out and looking like skin and bones, this is one unsightly looking dude. Maybe next time he’s up on stage, someone can convince him to keep his t-shirt on.
6. Keith Richards
Aside for the fact that this guy is as old as your great grandfather, the fact that he can still rock pretty hard is amazing. The fact that his face also looks like a rock is surely amazing too. Seriously, his face looks like a barren land in dire need of a good watering. I don’t think I’ve seen as many crevices on a single surface at one time, and this is in comparison to the Atacama dessert. At least he has one redeeming factor, Johnny Depp creating a pirate character based on his look. It may not make Keith Richards any hotter, but at least his look can be considered pretty cool.
7. Gene Simmons
I don’t know what’s worse, Gene Simmons with or without make up. And what’s up with that hair that looks like a really bad toupee? I do suppose though that despite the fact that he’s not exactly the best looking guy in the rock star business, his tongue probably has something to do with the hot playboy playmate that has been attached to his side for more than 28 years. He must really know how to use it, and obviously not just for singing.
8. Ric Okasek
When Rick Okasek met Paulina Porizkova on the set of The Cars’ Drive music video, no one believed that the then 19-year old Czech model would end up marrying him. Although not uncommon for supermodels to marry rockstars, it is unusual when one is much more unattractive than the other. It’s a good thing that their two children look like her too. Because if I had a glamour girl for a mom, I’d be perfectly bitter if I looked like my other parent, especially if they were included on a list like this.
9. Joey Ramone
In fairness to Joey Ramone, I looked up former photos of him in his younger days. Unfortunately, what I found were the same sorry results. Even without the ever-present shades, he’s still not a pretty sight. Good thing you don’t need to be handsome in order to be a rock legend. If that were the case, I’m pretty certain he wouldn’t have had anything close to a successful career.
10. Ozzy Osbourne
Everybody knows Ozzy Osbourne, even if it’s not exactly for his music. With his long greasy hair and beady black eyes, he was known to bite off the heads of bats during his onstage performances. And if that wasn’t enough to turn almost anybody off, his photos with rats, his coal-colored nail polish and his raccoon-looking eyeliner should fully seal the deal.
11. Kid Rock
If white trash is your thing, than I guess Kid Rock is your guy. With his long hair saying rocker, his fedora saying rapper, and his face just saying plain ugly, this guy is all kinds of wrong. How he managed to get Pamela Anderson to marry him is still under deep scrutiny, but then again, flocks of the same feather, right? He even had a sex tape released where he and good friend, Scott Stapp – the singer of Creed – were reportedly getting blowjobs from several groupies. If he were anything but a rockstar/rapper, for sure no one would be getting near his head, either the one up or down.
12. Pete Doherty
Seriously, what was Kate Moss thinking?! She’s either really blind or just has horrifically bad taste in men. Although given her dating history, I guess Pete Doherty fits right in. Especially with his drug and alcohol abuse, he is utterly the worst kind of train wreck, and I guess she went along for the ride. Aside from Pete presumably having the worst pictures taken ever, how he managed to snag a campaign with Roberto Cavalli is still a mystery until this day. They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I guess in this case, the beholder has no sense of beauty whatsoever.
13. Adam Duritz
No wonder Adam Duritz had to sing a song in the third person about his “Mr. Jones”. If he had only himself to rely on to get a girl, then his chances were probably slim to none. And what about that hair? Doesn’t he know that Bob Marley had 15 different species of lice in his dreadlocks? If I was dating Adam, I’d be too afraid of something coming out from that disaster of a ‘do and trying to bite me.
14. Tom Petty
Tom Petty is one of America’s most beloved rockstars. And although almost everyone can sing along to most of his songs, it doesn’t change the fact that he’s not that great to look at. I’m also pretty sure he doesn’t appreciate being included in this list, but then again, we don’t relish in having to stare at him for two hours in concert. Just like one of his songs says, good thing he’s a “Self-Made Man” or else he’d also be a single man.
15. Thom Yorke
You have to admit that Radiohead is one of the best bands in the world. And given that Thom Yorke is pretty much the mastermind behind it all is quite impressive. He sings, plays guitar, piano, and drums, writes, and the list goes on and on. But despite all of that, there’s no denying that he just isn’t that good looking. Lucky for him, people hear him first before they see him. Or are we that lucky?
So if there’s a lesson to be learned from here, it’s this: If you are unfortunate to be born ugly, there are ways to rectify the horror of never getting any in your adult life. You can either get plastic surgery, move to the country where there are less men than there are women, or become a rock star. Because if there’s anything that this list has proven, it’s that no matter how “fugly” you are, chicks will dig you, period.