Facebook is the preeminent social networking site , that much is certain. So it was only a matter of time before the unsavory unelements of Myspace and other online communities infiltrated. From the attention-starved to the opportunist online business people, the site is becoming increasingly innundated with useless drible. The following is a list of the twelve types of people that you will unforunately come across via Facebook:

The Guy/Gal who Loves to Brag

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This is the self-aggrandizing friend that everyone has. The one that has to announce to the world  their accomplishments. Samples of their status updates include:

Guy: Hey everyone, I just started a new business! It’s going to be huge! More news to follow.

Girl: Oh my God, I Just got engaged! My rock is huge!

*Bonus: All time favorite: “I make million $ decisions on a regular basis, why can’t I figure out what to do with my hair?”

The Network Marketing Guy

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This is the guy that is consciously growing his friends list with the aim of selling you a multi-level marketing scheme a la MonaVie. He doesn’t really want to be your friend, he just wants you to attend his ‘Acai berry juice tastings’, whereupon you’ll agree to spend a lot of money on seemingly useful products, that you then have to resell in order to level up.

The Seo Guy

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Sure, Twitter interacting with Facebook is a cool concept. The only problem is now everyone  you don't know is now trying to be your friend, with the hope that they’ll be able to spam you this "white hat" technique.

The Rebounder

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This is the person that changes their relationship status on a consistent basis, and is looking for some quick tail/bone. They have too much pride to go looking for intercourse on Craigslist.com,  and they don't want (or can't afford) to go to Match.com/

The High School Friend That You Weren’t Really Friends With

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Pretty self-explanatory,this is the guy/girl that you didn’t really like in high school but you feel compelled to add because everyone of your other classmates have. You don’t want to be a dick, right? Wrong. If you accept this friendship you are probably subjecting yourself to ‘Top 5’ lists, and updates about cute things their kids did like, “Oh my God, he just looked at a grape!”

The Person Who Always Tries to Chat With You. The  ‘Chat Rat’

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This is the person that has nothing better to do than to chat with decent people on facebook. "Stop trying to chat with us because we won't take your phone calls." Beacuse at the end of the day,  this site’s not a chatroom. And stop "LOLing." You know who you are.

The Group or Cause Inviter

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Just because you started a pretend cause or group on Facebook doesn’t mean you care about anything important. These groups are  basically the 2009 equivalent of  email chain letters.  Furthermore, they are typically  long-windeds attempt at proving some degree of cleverness.

The Poker

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What is the goddamned point of poking?

The Liker

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See ‘The Poker”

The Guy That writes About Political Stuff

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Sure, it was fun to be politically active in college, but come on, asshole. No one cares anymore.

The Relationship

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In case you hadn't noticed, they are in a relationship. This is that couple that is starved for attention and they need affirmation for being, "the cutest couple ever." Note to everyone in  a relatioship: Facebook is not a place for you to complement your girlfriend's cooking, or you boyfriend's thoughtfulness. That's what real life is for.

Tags: lists, facebook